Blog Post One
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR ROOMMATE IS THE WORST
Roommates can be great when you get along. You can trade off making meals, plan movie nights, and feel a little more at home living with a friend than by yourself. You can even overlook the little things, like that carton of spoiled milk that’s been on the top shelf for two weeks or the dirty dishes constantly piling in the sink. But what about when you have a roommate that you can’t stand?
If you haven’t had one already, you’ve definitely seen them on TV. They’re the people that will kick you out of the apartment or dorm room every time they have a date with no notice, leave crap all over the house, and steal your food. They probably never clean, use your things and are generally rude. If you can’t afford to move when these problems surface, here are a few things you can do to try to improve the situation.
Have a conversation ASAP
It is often easier to send a text or a passive aggressive email than talk face to face, but this almost never fixes the issue, so ask your roommate to sit down to have a conversation soon after you become frustrated. If you let it slide for a few months, it will be more difficult to change the patterns that have become established. Also, be direct. If you want them to stop stealing your food, tell them that and come up with a system to differentiate whose food is where in the fridge. If you want them to do their share of cleaning, propose a schedule to get the necessary things done. Make sure you aren’t a dictator either. You both live in the space and you may need to compromise, like doing the dishes within 24 hours instead of the minute they are generated.
Be solution oriented
It’s easy to point out problems. You never clean the dishes, you hog the TV, you use all of the hot water, you take my parking spot, your friends suck. These types of conversations rarely lead to a productive solution though. Try to highlight solutions instead. Rather than saying ‘you hog the TV,’ you can try ‘perhaps we can trade off the shows we watch per episode or create a schedule that works for both of us?’
Keep things amicable
You don’t have to love your college roommate or become best friends. Sure, it worked for Chandler and Ross in Friends, but that doesn’t mean you and your messy roommate are bonded for life. You should try to keep things amicable and open, however. Try not to get into a food stealing war or make nasty comments. Address things appropriately, and escalate your frustrations through appropriate channels, but try to avoid petty jabs that create a hostile living space for both of you.
Don’t have double standards
If you ask your roommate to do something, make sure you also do it yourself. Don’t ask them to clean their dishes before going to bed and leave yours sitting in the sink for three days. This also means that if they bring up an issue with something you’re doing, you need to try to listen and come up with compromises and solutions to address what they are saying. That doesn’t mean you have to come up with solutions for problems that are unreasonable, but you should try to keep an open mind.
Seek help from a third party
If you’ve tried everything you can think of and conversations and compromises just aren’t working, try seeking help from a third party. If you live in a dorm, your RA is a great source for help. If you’re in an apartment, this is less straight forward. See if there is a mutual friend you both trust, or an advisor or TA at your school who can help moderate a conversation and draw up a roommate contract.
If you guys still can’t get along, move! You may have a few months or even a year left on your lease, but if you absolutely can’t wait it out, talk to your roommate about subletting your spot and find a new apartment.
